You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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