i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
