and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
