I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
