Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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