i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
