evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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