I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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