new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
