so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
