I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
