Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize