we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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