Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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