I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
