Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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