I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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