WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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