I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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