She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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