i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
