i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
