I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
