Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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