he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
