Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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