Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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