dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
