Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
