it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize