oh god the rape fog is back!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
