it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
