you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
my poor anus
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
