So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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