New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
