i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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