guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
