You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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