Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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