my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
