I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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