Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
