the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
