soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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