did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
