There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
two words: eviction party
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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