u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
