wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
