he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
try to milk me bitch
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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