oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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