I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
