She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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