Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
