I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
