don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
