Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
