Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
