Did you just see the Batmobile???
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
