You smell like stripper and shame
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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