chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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