I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
