I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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