the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
