sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize