So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Can you bring me the toilet please
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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