I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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